For every woman who escapes the horrors of domestic violence, there are countless others who continue to feel trapped, isolated and alone as they experience continuing abuse by their intimate partners. When a client enters the House of Ruth Emergency Shelter, we can’t tell what the final outcome will be, although we do our best to encourage her to make choices that will build on her own strengths and increase her self-esteem. When one of our clients not only completes our program but then moves dramatically on in a positive way, we rejoice with her. With her permission, we’d like to retell one such survivor’s story:

The Story of Elena

Elena and her four children are living in House of Ruth’s Transitional Living Program. The family attends weekly counseling sessions and all receive one-on-one support and treatment to continue healing the emotional and psychological wounds created by the abuse they have endured. With the support of the counselors, shelter advocates, and case managers, this young family is building a life that will sustain and support their goals towards self-sufficiency and safety.

I am the youngest of nine siblings. I grew up in a large and extended family; our family was a closed circle. Between the ages of five and eleven, I lived in two realities; one was being raped repeatedly by a family member, the other was trying to believe that I was imagining it. When the truth was revealed, it was terribly ugly and although many relatives knew what was going on, they did not want to know, so did nothing. A thoughtful teacher when I was in the third and fourth grades suspected I had been abused. She helped me realize that what happened was not my fault and that I didn’t have to carry the burden of it. I came a long way at that point, but was still far from coming to grips with the larger picture.

At fourteen I was pregnant with my first child and forced to marry a man whose family was as harmful as mine. I stayed in that marriage, also abusive, for ten years. I had four children (now ages 3, 5, 7, and 9) and a sixth-grade education. Because someone from Social Services gave me a phone number, I was able to free myself. First, I located a support group that I secretly attended once a week. They encouraged me to go back to school and they offered me child care. When my family found out that I was attending night school, there was horrible drama. They told me how terrible I was, that they would take my children away; they accused me of seeing other men. At the adult school, one of the teachers gave me the number of House of Ruth. I have been here for a year and no one in either my family or my husband’s family knows where I am.

My decision to become a lawyer comes out of this mess. When I was finally able to accept that what I had gone through was not my fault, I was still helpless. I knew I needed to have some kind of power in order to control my situation. I had so many needs—money, education, social resources, and representation in the courts. It was this realization, particularly the legal aspects, which confirmed the idea of becoming a lawyer. Once this was firmly fixed, it has been a matter of making it real. I have my mind and heart set on becoming an attorney. I do this for me and for others. For me it means enormous personal achievement. For my children, it means being a model. For others, it means I can be the help they need to free themselves. I am not looking for the money. I am working for the day my history will become my victory.